Stream of consciousness...
On the day he was born I never suspected it would change my life the way it did. I was 6 and his birth made me so happy. I became an older sister but also a mommy. The mommy of a real baby boy.
On the day of his death I never suspected it would influence the rest of my birthdays. There are days when I feel vain and selfish only because I have continued to live longer. Almost a month short of my 40th I feel as if I have cheated death and taken more than what I should have. I have given in and decided to pause and celebrate it and this has made me anxious on so many levels.
For some reason the same question keeps popping up in my head ... To be or not to be.
I want to drink it all but yet feel like I am taking the last piece of the cake.