Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I am...

As life gets busier I grow quieter but I am finding that there is absolutely nothing sweeter than knowing who you are. Nothing sweeter than feeling your very own existence running through every fiber of your being.  I ride Ole' Blue through the neighborhood and I want to raise my hands up in the air and scream my existence to the universe.


I think the impending birthday might have something to do with this existentialism that has suddenly invaded my poor soul. I was only 16 when I heard during a philosophy class that we are solely responsible for giving meaning to life and for living life passionately and sincerely. Almost 24 years later this remains as one of the most sound and logical advice any adult provided me during my teenage years. Maybe the lack of parental supervision helped me understand such complex concept.
One which many adults continue to struggle with.

Adults (writing from the place where my 16 year old self spirit resides) tend to compare themselves to others....  they also tend to ask themselves why some are happy and they themselves are not. Which in return contributes to hatred, remorse, guilt and a lack of self worth.
I could have spent most of my childhood and adulthood wondering...
Why me?
Why was I left to fend for myself?
Was I not lovable or important enough?


But at 16.... I was given a choice.
The choice to give meaning to life.
To live life passionately and sincerely.
So I searched....
Through the church... Through men and women... Through the children... Through oceans and mountains... Through the lovers I loved... Through the sages and wise women... Through those that would hurt me.
I searched.


Presently I stand at the gates of forty and all these emotions and feelings are not a middle life crisis. They are simply me coming to self.  A slow and quiet unfolding of self. The understanding of who I was and will be.
Happy Midweek.

Me ;)

Stay Sweet Peeps!



  1. oh man...i loved this.....my dear friend, i loved speaking wirh u on the phone....and im so grateful we stumbled upon ....soul to soul dear friend. xx

  2. I know exactly what you mean. As I get older I am much more content with who I am and a realization that my happiness is down to me. No one is going to come along and give us permission to be happy, we have to find it, create it and live it x

  3. You are beautiful...

    inside and out. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  4. Your post was the first thing I read today and it was just what I needed. I love you. Thank you.

  5. You are a beautiful soul, a survivor, an inspiration. My friend. <3

  6. ESO!!! There's NOTHING like coming into your own, accepting and embracing all of you- past, present and future. Babushka's loving your journey and hope you continue sharing it.


  7. Very well expressed, you summarize in a few words what I fumble to express in pages. I've been on a voyage to discover myself, god, the universe, and the strings that connect it all for as long as I can remember. Along the way I accumulated a lot of data, a lot of pain, a fair amount of scar tissue, and a little love. Eventually, I realized I had found the answer I was looking for, I suspect it was there all the time. [I think I had it when I was a child, and then lost it... I think all children have the answer.] It takes, unfortunately, age and experience, and an open mind, to [re-]assemble the pieces. Perhaps you were ahead of me on that count. Once you have it, though, don't think that is the end, or the pinnacle, you find there is much more dimension to explore; you can continue to shape it. I think that if you stop, or settle, the answer begins to fade, and unravel... but that is for another time, another birthday, perhaps. -J.

  8. A veces yo también me siento así... me encanta poderlo compartir... puede ser por nuestra situación similar y porque disfrutamos cada momento de "La dulce vida".... me gustas mucho guapa!


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